And that was the last time I used an epilator.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ! ! !

Greetings my chums (:

I bet you missed me :D

It's good to be back, after a grueling few weeks of exams and recieving holiday homework. Only a tonne or two, but not to worry, I should have it done by the year 2020.
Anyhoo, how are we all this evening (well, morning actually)?
I, for one, have a sore leg (yes, just the right one). Good heavens, you say, why would only one leg be sore?
I'll tell you why and I'll tell you for free.
One word: EPILATOR.
of you who don't know what an epilator is, it's a device used to remove leg hair. It works by having a little teeny weeny revolving wheely thing which rips up your leg hair. Ouch.

Even though I only tried it on one area of my leg, I have to say that it is incredibly sore!
Never again.

In regards to my previous question, "how long must I wait for my knight in shining armour" the answer simply is that I should not wait at all.
I should walk along my own path, and if it happens to cross someone elses, hey there destiny!

My inspiration? Audrey Hepburn. Not only was I born on the same day as her (not year, otherwise I'd be swimming in wrinkles!), but she really seemed to know how to make guys beg for it. (And also she is a HUGE style icon!)

Those old fashioned women really knew how to seduce with class.

I was watching some of her famous movies, such as: Breakast at Tiffany's, Paris When It Sizzles, Roman Holiday and Sabrina, and I have got to say, I just admire the woman, so independant, and she's just her own self.

So guess who's been travelling again?!
That's right, I went to Fiji :D
For my dear mother's 40th, and may I say, without trying to sound like a spoilt brat, that family are the most embarrassing thing since sliced bread. And just a word of advice to parents out there, it DOES NOT help when you shake your heads and start going, "tut tut tut ... teenagers these days ... tut tut tut". Repeat, DOES NOT help.

I mean, I was extremely grateful for the trip and all, but we were on an island with soooooo many cute boys, and my Dad whipped out his old fannypack. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN.
Ohhhh yes, I said FANNYPACK.
WHO EVEN WEARS THOSE ANYMORE?!?!?!?!!?
I almost passed out upon seeing the hideous thing. They are tres tres unfashionable and have the word "fanny" in the title, a natural warning to say "do not wear". But apparently to my Dad it said, "wear me! your daughter will be a guy magnet when she's seen with fannypack guy!".
So sure, naturally I wanted some time AWAY from them, as should be understood, but noo, when I ask for alone time I get the whole lecture and a half, "you shouldn't be ashamed of yur family, we made you, yada yada, blah blah blah, we can hang out!"
Chhhh, yeah, right, I'll be back NEXT WEEK.
In primary school I was told to move away when I was uncomfortable, buuut whatever 'rentals!
I wonder why they are called paRENTs ... can we return them?

It was a nice holiday though, just to get that straight, :)

Fijian episode aside, I saw Love & Other Drugs last night with one of my best friends, Bella. Jake Gyllenhall is HHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT.
But what I hate about these movies is that they tease us with the ideal man who we can't have. They dangle him there in front of our faces, on a huge screen, and then before you know it the credits are on and you are snapped back into reality, where no guys such as these exist, and if they do, they are either taken or gay.
Buuuut, I have chosen not to think about that, as one of my new years resolutions for 2011.

I've been thinking about where I was this time last year, and I realised I am a totally different person. This time last Summer I was sitting at home, waiting for my now ex boyfriend to come back from his holiday and break my heart (which I didn't know otherwise I wouldn't have been waiting lol).
I have learnt so much and really developed as a person. I am so much closer to really knowing who I am, and I guess, at the end of the day, without those assholes, and all those setbacks, I never would've picked myself up and figured that out.

So thank you, assholes !

And goodnight, until next time,

Rachel x

Questions, which lead to investigations, then to answers.

"I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest, or the girl who always wants to be alone, I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence, the quiet scares me cause it screams the truth."

- P!nk

Dear bloggy,

For some really odd reason, my sister Libby has been calling me "Quippy" for the last three days. Who knows where she got that one from. If that's not a result of living in this zoo of a house I don't know what is.
She made me up a lovely song the other day, which she woke me up with. It's her version of "Ring-around-the-rosy", and I just know you would love to hear it. So here goes:

"Binga binga woby, a pocket pull of puppy, ash poo, ash poo, we ball ball bown."

Told you. She's lost it. But the worst part of the deal is that she is still 4 and is unable to keep things on the "down-low", if ya know what I mean.
The other day, for instance, I snuck my cat into my room, as my father will not tolerate her hair shedding (which I have tried to convince him is not her fault). Libby came in, and spotted her. I told her, "you can pat her, just don't tell Daddy she's in here, it's a secret." "Okay," she said.
And with that, she marched out of my room, walked straight up to my Dad, and said "Daddy, Rachel has the cat in her room, but don't tell anyone, she said it's a secret. Shhhhh."
Thanks for blowing my cover, 007.

Even though my little sister doesn't have a secret-storing part in her brain, she did say something of wisdom yesterday.
"When we get lonely, something will happen, we get lost."
And that got me thinking...

Are all us singles "lost"? Do I have to wander around lost till a white knight in shining armour comes along on his white horse d saves me?

I think it's a ridiculous thought, but is it true? I'll have to do some investigating on that one and get back to you.

So anyway, remember that party I was getting ready for last post?

I think I have a crush on a guy who was there. He goes to my school, in my year level, ect, and I think I've had minor crush on him before, from one of my french classes, but it went away. (And no, just because he's in french doesn't mean he's gay. IT WAS A COMPULSORY CLASS.)



And that's what crushes do right? They come around and they go away... and sometimes, take you by surprise when they stop, career themselves right around and come back again.

I am just finding him really attractive lately, and we do that eye contact flirty thing, which isn't much, but is always fun (:
He is a bit shy though, so I don't know what to do.
I've never been much of a making-the-first-move kinda gal. Even though I do sometimes, but everyone has their moments right?

Also, another issue, I have given up on love. I just don't care anymore. I have yelled at the heavens and everything (which proved pointless, as I didn't get an answer).

The matter of the fact is, that it's just useless. I haven't found love in these 16 years I've been alive and I don't see a light up ahead. So I don't give a flying pigs bottom anymoree.

Back to the point, in conclusion, what's stopping me with this "crush", is not only that he is shy, but that I don't want to even so much as flirt (even though I do, I still feel crap because I know I'm getting my hopes up), because I always get so dissapointed when it turns into nothing. The reason I have given up on love.

How do you know when it's there, and when to get your hopes up?

You don't, do ya? That's the lovely surprise. I have asked many friends how they met their boyfriend/girlfriend and I get a few answers like:

- "We told our friends we liked each other, and when everyone found out we just admitted it and he asked me out. It was so cute." - Katerina

- "I thought she was hot, and my friends were like, dude, she's hot, ask her out, so I just asked her out." - Heath

- "Well we used to flirt a lot, and I suppose I thought that was what I was supposed to be seeing, so I took control and asked him out. We've been together a year in three months." - Bella

The last one stood out for me. The words that caught my eye were "I suppose that's what I was supposed to be seeing".

Is flirting always the green light though? If you flirt with someone, does that mean you're interested? Does it mean the other person will take action?

I put this theory to the test when I went to a party recently. I flirted -and not only flirted but used super flirting techniques which are said to "always work"- with a number of guys at that party. In fact, I flirted like a man. When one of them responded by flirting back, I focused on him, wondering how far it would go.

His name was Nathan, and he goes to my school. He's cute, but I never really liked him. So I thought this was good, a random pick. All the flirting paid off when we were watching my ex-boyfriend (eeeeww) galavant around like an absolute idiot, and Nathan said to me, "it's good you aren't going out with your ex anymore."

RESULT!!!!!!!

I pretended I hadn't heard him over the music, and said, "what?", which he replied to by saying, "oh.. nothing,". And by the tone of his voice, I believe that backs up the fact that his little statement meant something.

That's where I stopped and decided to pull out, having made my point.

I wasn't interested, yet flirted and he made a small move forward. Does this apply to everyone? I don't believe it does, but regardless, I made a small yet successful discovery which in turn has given me a new little interest in flirting like a man. What else can be acheived by doing this?

Find out hopefully in my next post :)

Rachel x

Alec Baldwin's stunt double.

"If today was your last day, tomorrow was too late, would you say goodbye to yesterday?"

- Nickelback


Bonsoir bloggy and bloggers (:

This morning I woke up to the sound of my sister Libby singing, "nice nice nice, you were nice to me..."
God knows what drugs she's on. She's only 4 and she's already lost the plot. I don't blame her though, she's living in a house of loons!
I'm surprised I've made it this far into my life without going completely insane (:
Hurrahhh!

Anyway, you may have noticed that the title of this particular post is "Alec Baldwin's stunt double."
This is because I swear, on my tragically unpredictable life, that when we dropped my sister Jill at her primary school I saw either Alec Baldwin (highly unlikely) or his doppleganger/stunt double!
My jaw hit the ground! The resemblance was UNCANNY!
I seemed to be the only one who was shocked though, as I pointed it out to my darling Mother, and all she said was "Oh, yeah it does look like him a bit."
Whereas I was like a nutter on loon tablets.

But oh well, moving on.
Lately at school, I've been focusing on picking a certain university to go to, or "college" as Americans call it.
I hadn't really thought about it much, but now I'm realising how old I'm beginning to get! I am about two years of graduating high school!
I'm in "senior school"!
Sacre bleu!

I think I'm starting to develop wrinkles.

I'm thinking of studying Psychology (relationship counselling, as that is my calling :P ), Art, or Journalism or being an Author.
I don't know which road to go down though, because if I start studying one, I can't go back, right? Gaaaaahh it's all tres tres confusing.

I must be off, I think my family are back from my sisters netball training.
And I have a party to get ready for, it's all very busy busy.
And how am I EVER going to cover up all these bloody wrinkles?!

Toodles,

Rachel x

Change, inspiration, admiration, fear, sheer terror and other things that go randomly in and out of my mind.

"Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming round, every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears, every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by, every now and then I get a little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes, every now and then I fall apart."

- Total Eclipse Of The Heart, Glee Cast.

Guten afternoon!



Welcome to the latest edition of Rachels mental life!

We all know, there's nothing, and I mean nothing worse than a bad day.
I had one of the worst the other day. I was feeling completely depressed for no reason at all, I tried excercise but it didn't work. No endorphins for me.

I don't know what was wrong with me... possibly raging hormones, but it didn't help that when I was walking down the street a light above my head blew out. At exactly the time I walked under it. Yep.
What are the odds?!
As if I wasn't upset enough, and then to have a light explode above me!
Icing on the bloody cake.

But anyway, the next day I felt a little better at (god forbid I say it) school, thanks to my fab friends (:

At the end of the day though, something phenomenal happened... My friend Emilia, she was having a go at this guy called Darren, and basically she's a very passionate person, so she got very worked up!
She was lecturing him on not judging others. That got me to thinking, why do we judge? It's almost always bad judgment when we do.
She drew three people on paper, and thrust it in his face and screamed, do you see the differences? There were physical differences, and that's what he pointed out.
She then told him he was judging on the outside. See?
She went on to say that you don't know what is going on inside of these people.

She then used me as an example (ohhhh lordy be). She said, "Look at Rachel, how do you know she is happy. How are you sure she's not hurting inside? Maybe you can't see the pain inside her eyes. Do you know her deepest darkest secrets from looking at her? NO. You don't."
When she said that, I swear, my heart stopped. She had pinpointed exactly where I was emotionally. Even though I was in a better mood, I felt what she said, and felt the sheer anger and passion she was.

She had a total nervy b (nervous breakdown). But it made sense to me. I guess I was on the right level to hear it huh?

I looked down to my work sheet, which coincidentally said "change" on it.
This made me think.
Change. We shouldn't feel threatened by it, yet most of us do. Why is that?

Change is sometimes a good thing you know.

Just like that, it can happen. In the blink of an eye, everything can change.

Just because I feel lonely now, it doesn't mean I'll be like this forever. Emotions, moods, they change. As do circumstances.

And just like that, I let go of those negative emotions weighing me down.

I learnt something that day from Emilia.
Hopefully I wrote it down right in this post, but maybe you had to be there to feel the emotions in her words.

Anyway, live every day like it's your last, and don't forget to be positive :D

Rachel x

Bloggy bloggy bloggy.

Oh lordy be.

I just got back from the orthodontist, as I recently got my horrific braces off. I thought today would be the day that they would tell me I don't need to wear my retainer full time anymore, but nooooo.
I have been waiting, and looking forward to this day, just for them to tell me that I need to keep wearing the stupid thing till December.

FOR CHIRSTS SAKE PEOPLE!

Honestly. I have parties to go to. People to see. Things to do.


I guess tmy teeth do still feel a bit movey movey, but I have no time to be putting the stupid retainer in and out of my gob!

But, retainer aside, I have decided to turn my life around and take steps towards the new me.

Step 1: A new hairstyle (cheeeck).
Step 2: No more fat in packets, or, as we know it, junk food. (almost check).
Step 3: More excercise to turn the flab forming on my stomach into ab (beginning of a check).
Step 4: Reconnect with my spiritual side and find inner peace (oooohhhhmmmmmmm).
Step 5: And finally, stop thinking about boys (no idea how to do that but I guess I can find distractions, like shopping [: ).

I found out my cat likes cheese you know, she ate half of the bit I cut for myself! At first I thought she was attacking it, but then I realised she was eating it.
Pointless for you to know really, but, ho hum, pigs bum.


Okay, I'd better go now, I have homework that needs to be stared at.

Sionaraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa for now!

Rachel x

The crazy adventures of Rachel and the shinannigans she gets up to. (PART II)

"In my reach, I can see, there's a life out there for me..."
- Gabrielle

Hello and good afternoon to all my little bloggers :)

How are we all? I hope you guys are prepared for the most massive, epic, shocking, wonderful, surprising blog EVER!

You would NOT believe the things I have seen and done since last blogging (my last blog being sometime during the stone age).

I have travelled half way around the earth, been told to "take a chance" by some African guy trying to sell me a magnet at the market, left all my fears behind, been bored to death, tripped over my own pants, thought I might be depressed, been utterly inspired, seen beautiful things, heard amazing stories and have had my outlook on life turned upside down (in a good way!).

Crazy huh?


Welcome to my sometimes tragic, sometimes amazing or even plain breath taking life.


Now, if we went back two weeks ago, in fact, if this was me two weeks ago, I would no doubt, be filling this page with sad, and down right draining words and thoughts.

I was stuck, you see, in a place where I felt that behind every smile was deception, and I felt pretty alone. I felt sick just looking at the places around me, the unchanging places, and with them, unchanging people. Every single task I did was tedious, and I could barely ever keep awake, always zoning out to space. I was using up most of my energy just putting on a smile for everyone and seeming like I had it all together. After enduring one long day, which to me felt like ten years, I would use my remaining energy to just go home. There is nothing wrong with my life, I have a loving family, beautiful friends, and a roof over my head. That's the thing though. I still felt as if something was missing, and I got to the stage where I really felt lonely and thought I needed someone.
I needed an escape. Badly.


So one day during school, I was at my locker and remembered my Uncle Grant, who works for an airline, and had promised to take me overseas sometime soon. In a burst of hope, I got out my phone and typed away.

Soon enough he texted me back, and sure enough, the next week, we were on a plane flying to Africa. Yep, Africa. It came as a shock to me too, I literally squealed an jumped up and down. I probably looked like a nutter, now that I think of it. Oh well.

And as I was flying somewhere over Africa, I let my minds guard down and started thinking about love. Now, I have been trying to avoid thinking about the matter completely, and it was going alright up until I ran out of things to distract myself with. I know what they say, that something happens when you least excpect it. So I am trying my best to not excpect it, so I am expecting it to happen as I am "not excpecting" it.

You with me?

But then I got to thinking, does that even count? Maybe I'm just plain crazy, and thinking way too much into this and freaking out the people reading this blog (haha silly me)!

So as I am "not excpecting it" let's move on, shall we?


My week in Africa was over all amazing. It was just the refreshing experience I needed to give me a slap on the face, and tell me to get up off the ground, dust myself off, look around and be truly happy with what I am so very lucky to have.

I met this one woman, Juliana, who takes donated clothes to Africa and lets people who can't afford their own clothes pick things they want from the donations. She was absolutely inspiring. I hope to be more like her when I'm older. She is one of those people that everyone knows, because she is so out there, and she has this aura around her which just lights up the room she is in.
After meeting her I felt inspired to be that much more positive about life, and have been wearing a smile on my face since then.

Of course I also went on safari, and that was double cool with knobs on.

As I flew home, I decided to take life as it comes, and enjoy the bumps along the way. The whole 11 hour trip home, I didn't think about love once.

Buuuuut, when I got home last night, I decided to crack open one of my many love story movies.

I picked Becoming Jane and cried.

Yeah yeah, I know, I thought about how they couldn't be together and I cried. Yes, cried. No, not a couple of tears, think more along the lines of muffled, irrepressible sobs. It was more like some sort of a fit really.
So sue me!
It's a sad movie!

So yes, of course while watching that movie I thought of love, and maybe the fact I cried so much is because I felt like that was what was missing in my life, but hey, I'm sixteen, one second I'm craving love, then before you know it -like someone flicked a switch- I'm craving strange combinations of food. Or it could just be a case of my raging teenage hormones.


Well, that updates you about my recent doings and shinnanigans, and I must be off.


I bid you goodnight, and here are some pictures of the character "Tom" in the movie Becoming Jane. I'm not sure where they are on the page as I don't get the upload image system on this crazy website, but nevertheless, enjoy!



Rachel x

The crazy adventures of Rachel and the shinannigans she gets up to. (PART I)

So, last time we left it at my new boyfriend and cousin did we?
Well. Let me clear this up for you. This so called "boyfriend" of mine? Not what he seemed at all. And my little cousin Lindsay? She gets even cuter.


Read on if you want to know what happened.





Ahem.


Once upon a time,...


I'm kidding.


Anyhoo, lets snap out of it and get back to reality yes?


I wasn't really sure that I liked him when he asked me out. Well to be totally honest, I knew that I didn't. I had closed the door on those feelings when I got over him...

Buuuuut, then you always have that voice inside your head (plus everyone else including friends and numerous friends of friends) telling you to just let go and jump in. So I did, all the while ready to catch my own fall.

We had been going out for about a month, and I still hadn't really "gained back" those old feelings... so I decided it was time to call it quits.

When I say call it quits I mean spend another week freaking out about how I'm gonna break it to him, FYI.

So one day I just grabbed him by the arm and led him into the famous hallway of where I had recently had a go at him. You know the one :P.

I uttered the famous "we need to talk" line under my breath and stopped walking, stared at him for a few solid minutes, then finally sputtered: "This.. well, it.. this *hand gestures back and forth*, it's not working for me."

He kinda had a delayed reaction, but eventually said "yeah me too." So we agreed on being friends and I hugged him and left school (ran away as quickly as I could). I called Zoey straight away, as she is my bestest friend in the entire whole humungous world! She knew I had done the right thing by not leading him on and we both had the suspicion of his hesitation to reply. We thought maybe he lied about feeling the same way to cover up his feelings, but I guess I found out it was the truth the next day.
It was all great, and it wasn't awkward between us, we were friends, then at the end of the day I walked to the train station with my old friend Bella. Bella told me that her boyfriend Dave (who is friends with my ex) got told all these things by my ex. Things involving me. I won't go into those details but one of the things he said was that he "was going to dump me in 6 months if he didn't get any sexual favours".
You try telling me not to attack him the next time I saw him.
Oh, don't worry I didn't,I held it together, but I just shunned him hahaa.
Naturally, being the scum licking, two faced jerk he is, he went around sooking to everyone else. It all came back to me, and I knew every word he was saying.
He eventually (three weeks later, after sooking) he posted, yes POSTED (never ever did he have the guts to say anything confrontational to my face) a message over FACEBOOK. He had a little whine and told me nothing I heard was true, not that I believed him.
I called him that night, and had a yell. I told him it was over, and I knew everything he had said. I told him it wasn't one person I heard this from, it was many, (which it was). He admitted to saying one of the things after denying e said it in the first place, which was when I asked him how I could believe anything else he said if he had lied to me before.
I very politely told him where to stick it and hung up.
I wasn't even hurt. Not a scratch on me. I felt great! I had just stood to my ex-boyfriend from hell, and dealt head on with whatever it was that was going on. Of course I phoned Zoey, and she couldn't believe her little ears :)
It was a glorious night :) I was finally free!

Part II coming soon... :)

Goodnight all,
Rachel x

June bug.

"And what is so rare as a day in June? Then, if ever, come perfect days."

- James Russell Lowell


I have absolutely no idea what that means, but somehow it's inspiring without meaning. That's why I put it on my post. That and that it's a random quote that has something to do with June. Ah what do you care?! I can post what I like! Mwahahaha.

How are we all? Are you guys well?
I just realised the other day that I had a blog. I had completely forgotten about it (as fantastic as it is :p ). What can I say, I am living the hectic life of a mental 16 year old girl (oh yeah I turned sixteen in May, just to catch you up, yay me! :] ). So, anyhoo, about five minutes ago I decided that it was time to tackle this blog head on. And now here I sit, starting to dread my previous decision as I realise how much I actually have to cover in this blog.
Ah ha! Alas! I have had an epiphany! *heavenly chorus*
I have had a conference with me, myself and I, and after much discussion and debate we have decided to spread the events of the past few months over a few blogs, instead of boring you all with one HUGE chunk of a novel in one go.
How does that sound? Good?
Great! :)

Well, I am studying for my mid year exams at the present moment, so my schedule is a bit "chock-a-block", BUT, I shall kick off part one as soon as I can (within the next few days).

So sit back, relax, and let the good times roll.


Peace,
Rachel.

Another month or so, another drama. (or a few dramas actually)

Hey everyone :)

Jeeeez this Blog has grown a layer of dust since the last time I logged in!
Well, time to blow off the dust and start a new chapter!
Yes that's right, I HAVE GOSSIP.

Please be noted that this news will only be interesting and make you gasp with amazement if you read my last blog! But then again, it's been the most amazing, most impossible, sadest, hardest, most challenging but most incredible few weeks of my life!

But really, sometimes it's like I'm fate's guinea pig! Don't worry about me! It's not like I have feelings or anything!!!

Anyway.... hahaha,
Things with this guy were getting better, well at least in the sense that I was moving on and forgetting about him, and with time and space, I got over it.
It wasn't till about a few days after I declared I was over it that something caught my attention. He was more flirty...and clingy...and demanding of my attention.
I thought this was heaps suspicious, and eventually, I figured out he must like me again or something like that. I've known him long enough and I recognised the signs.
Then, one day, after he had dropped so many hints I was drowning in them, he got me alone and asked me out. He said he had done a lot of thinking and wanted me back.
I told him I'd think about it... and went home utterly speechless.
I thought about it long and hard, called Zoey (my best friend), spilled the beans, had her scream through the phone and into my ear, then got distracted by my Aunty, Dakota (pregnant by the way), who called and announced that her waters had broken. It was the distraction I was wishing for!
Hooray for contraction distractions!
Hahahaha that actually sounds terrible lol so I'll stop :P
Anyway, it was a distraction that didn't last long, because after my Mum, Meredith, drove Dakota to the hospital (like a maniac by the way, I was holding on for my life!) We were only there till her husband Brian got there, then we left.
So I had the rest of the night to gloriously dread the day coming. I hardly slept that night.

The next day, I decided I would just jump in and do this. Why not give him a second chance? Is that so wrong? No. So I told him yes.
We've been going out for just over a week now. If I had gone back to the past and told myself that he would come crawling back, I would not have believed me!
So, that day was a good one. I gained a boyfriend AND a new little cousin! Who was a girl! Little Lindsay :)
What a day huh?
Well as you can imagine, that week was mindblowingly tiring (emotionally).
It's even making me tired typing it all out! I feel like I'm re-living it hahahaha.
So with that, I shall bid all you fellow bloggers goodnight.

Rachel x.

Stupid sexy flanders.

Heyaaaaaaaaa :) (sorry about the random title hahaha)

Sorry I haven't blogged in aaaaaaages, but I've been swimming up to my ears in
*drum roll*
HOMEWORK.
*children scream and run away*
There goes my social life, but oh well !

So, whats new huh?
Well not much, things have been pretty mellow..
The guy I liked, or like, (argh I don't even know!!!) he has been clingy a few times in the past two weeks, clingy to the point where I even start to think he mightlike me again. But I shut that thought away and just let it go.
I was doing so, and eventually it started to work and my feelings for him faded.
Or at least thats what I thought.

So here's the deal.
He invited me to this party he was having, so I went, and everything seemed normal enough, but then my slutty ex-friend shows up with her tryhard-slutty friend, and they start their flirting engines. I mean, seriously, they even spent ages in his room.
:
Yes, his BEDroom.
So my friends and I are just sitting there like WTF MAN! And they're all like, whats going on in there?! Thats when I said I didn't even want to know. Thats when it hit me..
I was actually very upset/pissed off/agrrovated/annoyed/sad/horrified that they were in there with him.
Thats when I realised that I still care. And it sucks. Partly because my friends noticed too and now I can't deny it.

So here I am now, ranting on about it.
I would call my best friend Zoey but she's at a friends. Gaaah.

Anyhoo, I'm pretty tired. As you may have noticed, as I haven't ranted as long this time. Haha.

Gooooooooooooooodnight!



Rachel x.

Long time no blog.

Hello my fellow bloggers :)

Welcome to the latest edition of my life (haha).
In my last post, how I went on and on about something not feeling right between me and this guy?
Well how spot on was I. I was so spot on with that guess that I was IN the spot.
Most of you are probably reading this thinking.. spot? What does a spot have to do with all this? Ok now I don’t know what I’m on about.
Moving on..

My friend Mike, came up to me at the end of yet another school day (which I spent wondering why my guy wasn’t talking to me) last week.. and tells me he has something I probably need to hear..
I knew almost straight away that it was something to do with Him (no not God, the guy I like!). He told me that He doesn’t like me anymore. Nice Mike, way to drop a bombshell on me like that. :
I left school in an absolute daze.. this was like all the puzzle pieces coming together.. everything made sense now.
But I was absolutely heartbroken. I can’t believe he just left me like that. And I was furious that he had gone around telling others, but STILL had not told me.
Sure, it’s hard to say, but if I was gonna hear it, I would’ve rather heard it from Him.
So I trudged home, and once I got behind a closed door, cried my eyes out. To the point where I couldn’t breathe. I lay on the bathroom floor and tried to catch my breath. And this is what I did after school for about three days.
Then I got up, dusted myself off, and baked muffins. LOTS of muffins.
When I was at school I would have random fits of laughter at something not even funny.
Maaaaaaaan, I had been driven right over the edge.
So I decided to avoid him, and keep my head held high the whole time.
My friend Betty kept telling me that he was talking about me to her… he seemed to be concerned. But at that point I thought, Pfft, bullshit that you even feel bad. Up yours. You don’t care.

Days went by and I ignored the prick, pretending not even to care. I must be a good actor because he started following me around trying to talk to me… I avoided him at every chance I got (of course), but he just kept trying to get through to me.
But, after a few more days of hearing that he was soooo concerned with me from everyone else (pfft), I decided to just suck it up and talk to him.
So the other day at lunch, He was walking away from his locker, I just decided to Carpe Diem and pulled him around the corner.
I admitted that I had been avoiding him, and told him that I was there now so to talk. He said that he didn’t know what to say (which I found hard to believe because he seemed to have a lot to say to everyone else!), so I said, “Ok, well here’s one. Why have you gone around telling everyone that you don’t have feelings for me anymore? I mean, I should’ve heard it from you.”
He started saying that I didn’t give him the chance to tell him, and I kept ‘looking at him funny’. At which point I told him I knew how hard it was to say it to someone, I had been there before but he shouldn’t have told anyone else.
There was a silence.
I said, “Look, if you’re over it, I’m over it. Seriously.”
He gave me this look which said he didn’t believe me.
I assured him it was true.
He said I probably wanted to punch him. I said I would never punch him. He denied it. I said that I lied and that I would but I wasn’t going to.
He smiled that stupid, amazing smile that melts me everytime. My favourite smile, the one I love.
It was at that point where he put his hand on my shoulder and said “We can still be friends.”
It was at that point where it hit me that things had changed for good.
It was at the stage when we said goodbye and I sat with my friends that I collapsed into a fit of laughter, no doubt the aftershock of my little kicking-of-His-ass.

Enough for now, because I’m tired, so I must sleep.
But until next time,


Rachel x

Tomato face :|

Well that jog didn't help my mood as much as I thought it would. :
All it really did is almost make me faint, give me the reddest tomato face I have EVER had in my entire life, and supply me with yet another wonderful chance to embarrass myself in public.
Ohhhh boy.
Honestly though, there was a guy walking down the street who looked exactly like my neighbour, so I turned and said "Hey! :)"
It wasn't until the moment he started squinting at me with an utterly confused and unfamiliar face that I realised this was NOT my neighbour.
So my response to that was:
"Oh sorry wrong person.." *turns and walks off hurriedly, muttering oh god oh god that did NOT just happen...*

Anyhoo, my red face faded and that brings us to today!
So I spoke to him, it was just small talk but at least I got response.. I'm still a tad confused, I feel like things are different now, but I don't know why..
Did I do something?
Seriously, I just want to say to him "Why are things different? What's changed? You can't just leave me.. I MEAN, YOU ARE MY FRIEND. AND WHAT'S WITH YOU NOT TALKING TO ME ANYWAY?!?! HOW COULD YOU JUST DUMP SO MUCH ON ME THEN RUN OFF TO ANOTHER STATE! AND THEN HAVE THE NERVE TO COME BACK AND PRETEND WE NEVER HAD ANYTHING?! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT? I'M IN THIS AS MUCH AS YOU. I'M SCARED TOO YOU KNOW. YOU'VE BEEN AWAY, BUT IT'S LIKE YOU'RE STILL NOT BACK. YOU WON'T TALK TO ME. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS? HUH? TELL ME THAT. BECAUSE I CANNOT HANDLE THIS. AND I DEFINATELY CAN'T HANDLE IT ALONE."
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Nice to get things off your chest and onto a blog haha.

Well, at least I have my good friends to keep me sane and back me up.
Which reminds me, he was talking to my friend Betty about me for ages in her class.. hmm.. what could that mean?
I feel like I'm getting mixed signals.

If anyone has feedback that would be awesome :)

Rachel x

This Just In.

Howdy doodies.

You know how I had a very random rant earlier about having a feeling something would go wrong in my so good so far week?
Well, you know how you have those dreams about being naked in front of EVERYONE?
I lived that embarrassment yesterday, I must’ve “tempted fate” with my goddamn post. Bugger.

And no, I wasn’t naked, but I felt like I may as well have been! I had just joined this netball team you see, with all my old friends. I thought it would be a great idea, but the thing is, I’m not very athletic.. sports just isn’t my thing.

I went along anyway, but I had to jump in straightaway, and I had no idea of the rules or boundary lines or ANYTHING.
So there I am, like a lost sheep, just wondering around. I got so many faults, the other team had a greeeeeeeat laugh.
I was absolutely positively MORTIFIED.

Anyway, moving along to todays shipwreck.
It was the first day back at school, and you know that guy I was talking about? Well my plan was to play “hard to get”, right? Bulletproof some would say. Well, those who say it are forgetting one thing.

How hard it is to ignore them when you have so much to say!

He was also ignoring me.. which was hard to swallow in itself. It’s like he just up and left me, led me on and then left me, telling me he pretty much didn’t want me anymore..
Like my friend Alice would say, he “pulled an Edward Cullen”.
Ohhhhhh Goddddddddddddddd boys are so confusing!

And after this very long, very tiring day, I’m sitting here and having the reality of this all crashing down on me at once..
And there is also a possibility in my mind, that he has met another girl while he was away..

I guess we shall have to wait and see what happens…
But in the meantime, I’m off to take a well deserved jog and get those endorphins up!

Toodles! :P

Rachel x

Free.

“Freedom is fragile and must be protected. To sacrifice it, even as a temporary measure, is to betray it.”
- Germaine Greer



Freedom.

It’s something people are constantly wishing for. It’s something people strive to achieve, something worth the risk of obtaining. But what if, just maybe, freedom is served up to you on a shiny platter. Then what? Do you take it without question? Or, is there something to be lost in order for this freedom to be gained. The question is, how do we know? And what is the right thing to do?

What happens when everything you have been working so hard to reach for is suddenly tossed to you by the swift hands of fate? What is left to want, when you seem to have everthing?

Is there something terrifying around the corner, just lying in wait, ready to spring out and tear down everything which you have been so lucky to recieve? Because we all know that in this life, all good things eventually come to end.

This is when we wait for change, and this wait is one of the hardest things you might ever have to do. So hold tight, and pray that you don’t get lost in the whirlwind of change.

Bananas are an exellent source of potassium.

The other day I found myself standing in the fruit section of my local Supermarket, considering whether or not to put my phone with the bananas and casually walk off.

Why would I do such a thing you ask? Have I gone bananas? (haha get it!)
My answer is but one word long.

Boys.

I was hoping to spend these summer hoidays more productively than moping around my house, being extremely antisocial and becoming disturbingly addicted(but also skilled :P) to tetris. These are well known symptoms of I-like-a-guy-who-is-a-total-moron syndrome.

Long story shorter? This boy, the most recent one I've been rambling about, let's call him.. Jake.
Well, he eventually broke up with his girlfriend.. and not too long after, we ended up admitting that we had feelings for each other... and everything was great, we planned to hopefully go out in the new year, a fresh start. And he was going to be in another state for five weeks of summer, so it wasn't exactly the best time. I didn't mind waiting, because I liked him enough to wait.. but (yes, the biiiiiiiiiiiiiig but) before he left, he basically told me not to count on him to be there when he gets back. If another guy asked me out I should "go for it". I mean, seriously?! What do I say to that?! Something in him had changed and I could tell.. he just wasn't the same.
He has now come back from his holiday of almost 2 months.. and I haven't heard a word from him. (Ok, ok, the story is a tad long, but you can imagine how long the detailed version is!)

And you know, I kept telling myself that if he wanted to see me he would call.. but days went by and he just, didn't. So the other night I gave in like a total idiot and texted him: "Hey :) how was your flight? xo" (and he always replied with an xo or "love you" or something.)
He texts me back saying: "Haha good"
Maybe I'm reading too much into this.. but I know him, I know what he's like, and he would usually reply with something a little more, like a "love you" at the end.
This reply was so blunt that it cut me like a sharp knife. And the cut stings.
He has been completely avoiding me, and i just don't understand why.

I want to ignore him back, but there's a more prominent part of me that just wants to confront him. So here I am, stranded, not knowing which direction to follow.

I NEED SOME INSPIRATION!

If anyone could give me some advice, it would be much apprecitated :)

Rachel x