Questions, which lead to investigations, then to answers.

"I don't wanna be the girl who laughs the loudest, or the girl who always wants to be alone, I don't wanna be the girl who has to fill the silence, the quiet scares me cause it screams the truth."

- P!nk

Dear bloggy,

For some really odd reason, my sister Libby has been calling me "Quippy" for the last three days. Who knows where she got that one from. If that's not a result of living in this zoo of a house I don't know what is.
She made me up a lovely song the other day, which she woke me up with. It's her version of "Ring-around-the-rosy", and I just know you would love to hear it. So here goes:

"Binga binga woby, a pocket pull of puppy, ash poo, ash poo, we ball ball bown."

Told you. She's lost it. But the worst part of the deal is that she is still 4 and is unable to keep things on the "down-low", if ya know what I mean.
The other day, for instance, I snuck my cat into my room, as my father will not tolerate her hair shedding (which I have tried to convince him is not her fault). Libby came in, and spotted her. I told her, "you can pat her, just don't tell Daddy she's in here, it's a secret." "Okay," she said.
And with that, she marched out of my room, walked straight up to my Dad, and said "Daddy, Rachel has the cat in her room, but don't tell anyone, she said it's a secret. Shhhhh."
Thanks for blowing my cover, 007.

Even though my little sister doesn't have a secret-storing part in her brain, she did say something of wisdom yesterday.
"When we get lonely, something will happen, we get lost."
And that got me thinking...

Are all us singles "lost"? Do I have to wander around lost till a white knight in shining armour comes along on his white horse d saves me?

I think it's a ridiculous thought, but is it true? I'll have to do some investigating on that one and get back to you.

So anyway, remember that party I was getting ready for last post?

I think I have a crush on a guy who was there. He goes to my school, in my year level, ect, and I think I've had minor crush on him before, from one of my french classes, but it went away. (And no, just because he's in french doesn't mean he's gay. IT WAS A COMPULSORY CLASS.)



And that's what crushes do right? They come around and they go away... and sometimes, take you by surprise when they stop, career themselves right around and come back again.

I am just finding him really attractive lately, and we do that eye contact flirty thing, which isn't much, but is always fun (:
He is a bit shy though, so I don't know what to do.
I've never been much of a making-the-first-move kinda gal. Even though I do sometimes, but everyone has their moments right?

Also, another issue, I have given up on love. I just don't care anymore. I have yelled at the heavens and everything (which proved pointless, as I didn't get an answer).

The matter of the fact is, that it's just useless. I haven't found love in these 16 years I've been alive and I don't see a light up ahead. So I don't give a flying pigs bottom anymoree.

Back to the point, in conclusion, what's stopping me with this "crush", is not only that he is shy, but that I don't want to even so much as flirt (even though I do, I still feel crap because I know I'm getting my hopes up), because I always get so dissapointed when it turns into nothing. The reason I have given up on love.

How do you know when it's there, and when to get your hopes up?

You don't, do ya? That's the lovely surprise. I have asked many friends how they met their boyfriend/girlfriend and I get a few answers like:

- "We told our friends we liked each other, and when everyone found out we just admitted it and he asked me out. It was so cute." - Katerina

- "I thought she was hot, and my friends were like, dude, she's hot, ask her out, so I just asked her out." - Heath

- "Well we used to flirt a lot, and I suppose I thought that was what I was supposed to be seeing, so I took control and asked him out. We've been together a year in three months." - Bella

The last one stood out for me. The words that caught my eye were "I suppose that's what I was supposed to be seeing".

Is flirting always the green light though? If you flirt with someone, does that mean you're interested? Does it mean the other person will take action?

I put this theory to the test when I went to a party recently. I flirted -and not only flirted but used super flirting techniques which are said to "always work"- with a number of guys at that party. In fact, I flirted like a man. When one of them responded by flirting back, I focused on him, wondering how far it would go.

His name was Nathan, and he goes to my school. He's cute, but I never really liked him. So I thought this was good, a random pick. All the flirting paid off when we were watching my ex-boyfriend (eeeeww) galavant around like an absolute idiot, and Nathan said to me, "it's good you aren't going out with your ex anymore."

RESULT!!!!!!!

I pretended I hadn't heard him over the music, and said, "what?", which he replied to by saying, "oh.. nothing,". And by the tone of his voice, I believe that backs up the fact that his little statement meant something.

That's where I stopped and decided to pull out, having made my point.

I wasn't interested, yet flirted and he made a small move forward. Does this apply to everyone? I don't believe it does, but regardless, I made a small yet successful discovery which in turn has given me a new little interest in flirting like a man. What else can be acheived by doing this?

Find out hopefully in my next post :)

Rachel x