Tomato face :|

Well that jog didn't help my mood as much as I thought it would. :
All it really did is almost make me faint, give me the reddest tomato face I have EVER had in my entire life, and supply me with yet another wonderful chance to embarrass myself in public.
Ohhhh boy.
Honestly though, there was a guy walking down the street who looked exactly like my neighbour, so I turned and said "Hey! :)"
It wasn't until the moment he started squinting at me with an utterly confused and unfamiliar face that I realised this was NOT my neighbour.
So my response to that was:
"Oh sorry wrong person.." *turns and walks off hurriedly, muttering oh god oh god that did NOT just happen...*

Anyhoo, my red face faded and that brings us to today!
So I spoke to him, it was just small talk but at least I got response.. I'm still a tad confused, I feel like things are different now, but I don't know why..
Did I do something?
Seriously, I just want to say to him "Why are things different? What's changed? You can't just leave me.. I MEAN, YOU ARE MY FRIEND. AND WHAT'S WITH YOU NOT TALKING TO ME ANYWAY?!?! HOW COULD YOU JUST DUMP SO MUCH ON ME THEN RUN OFF TO ANOTHER STATE! AND THEN HAVE THE NERVE TO COME BACK AND PRETEND WE NEVER HAD ANYTHING?! WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT? I'M IN THIS AS MUCH AS YOU. I'M SCARED TOO YOU KNOW. YOU'VE BEEN AWAY, BUT IT'S LIKE YOU'RE STILL NOT BACK. YOU WON'T TALK TO ME. HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS? HUH? TELL ME THAT. BECAUSE I CANNOT HANDLE THIS. AND I DEFINATELY CAN'T HANDLE IT ALONE."
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Nice to get things off your chest and onto a blog haha.

Well, at least I have my good friends to keep me sane and back me up.
Which reminds me, he was talking to my friend Betty about me for ages in her class.. hmm.. what could that mean?
I feel like I'm getting mixed signals.

If anyone has feedback that would be awesome :)

Rachel x

This Just In.

Howdy doodies.

You know how I had a very random rant earlier about having a feeling something would go wrong in my so good so far week?
Well, you know how you have those dreams about being naked in front of EVERYONE?
I lived that embarrassment yesterday, I must’ve “tempted fate” with my goddamn post. Bugger.

And no, I wasn’t naked, but I felt like I may as well have been! I had just joined this netball team you see, with all my old friends. I thought it would be a great idea, but the thing is, I’m not very athletic.. sports just isn’t my thing.

I went along anyway, but I had to jump in straightaway, and I had no idea of the rules or boundary lines or ANYTHING.
So there I am, like a lost sheep, just wondering around. I got so many faults, the other team had a greeeeeeeat laugh.
I was absolutely positively MORTIFIED.

Anyway, moving along to todays shipwreck.
It was the first day back at school, and you know that guy I was talking about? Well my plan was to play “hard to get”, right? Bulletproof some would say. Well, those who say it are forgetting one thing.

How hard it is to ignore them when you have so much to say!

He was also ignoring me.. which was hard to swallow in itself. It’s like he just up and left me, led me on and then left me, telling me he pretty much didn’t want me anymore..
Like my friend Alice would say, he “pulled an Edward Cullen”.
Ohhhhhh Goddddddddddddddd boys are so confusing!

And after this very long, very tiring day, I’m sitting here and having the reality of this all crashing down on me at once..
And there is also a possibility in my mind, that he has met another girl while he was away..

I guess we shall have to wait and see what happens…
But in the meantime, I’m off to take a well deserved jog and get those endorphins up!

Toodles! :P

Rachel x

Free.

“Freedom is fragile and must be protected. To sacrifice it, even as a temporary measure, is to betray it.”
- Germaine Greer



Freedom.

It’s something people are constantly wishing for. It’s something people strive to achieve, something worth the risk of obtaining. But what if, just maybe, freedom is served up to you on a shiny platter. Then what? Do you take it without question? Or, is there something to be lost in order for this freedom to be gained. The question is, how do we know? And what is the right thing to do?

What happens when everything you have been working so hard to reach for is suddenly tossed to you by the swift hands of fate? What is left to want, when you seem to have everthing?

Is there something terrifying around the corner, just lying in wait, ready to spring out and tear down everything which you have been so lucky to recieve? Because we all know that in this life, all good things eventually come to end.

This is when we wait for change, and this wait is one of the hardest things you might ever have to do. So hold tight, and pray that you don’t get lost in the whirlwind of change.

Bananas are an exellent source of potassium.

The other day I found myself standing in the fruit section of my local Supermarket, considering whether or not to put my phone with the bananas and casually walk off.

Why would I do such a thing you ask? Have I gone bananas? (haha get it!)
My answer is but one word long.

Boys.

I was hoping to spend these summer hoidays more productively than moping around my house, being extremely antisocial and becoming disturbingly addicted(but also skilled :P) to tetris. These are well known symptoms of I-like-a-guy-who-is-a-total-moron syndrome.

Long story shorter? This boy, the most recent one I've been rambling about, let's call him.. Jake.
Well, he eventually broke up with his girlfriend.. and not too long after, we ended up admitting that we had feelings for each other... and everything was great, we planned to hopefully go out in the new year, a fresh start. And he was going to be in another state for five weeks of summer, so it wasn't exactly the best time. I didn't mind waiting, because I liked him enough to wait.. but (yes, the biiiiiiiiiiiiiig but) before he left, he basically told me not to count on him to be there when he gets back. If another guy asked me out I should "go for it". I mean, seriously?! What do I say to that?! Something in him had changed and I could tell.. he just wasn't the same.
He has now come back from his holiday of almost 2 months.. and I haven't heard a word from him. (Ok, ok, the story is a tad long, but you can imagine how long the detailed version is!)

And you know, I kept telling myself that if he wanted to see me he would call.. but days went by and he just, didn't. So the other night I gave in like a total idiot and texted him: "Hey :) how was your flight? xo" (and he always replied with an xo or "love you" or something.)
He texts me back saying: "Haha good"
Maybe I'm reading too much into this.. but I know him, I know what he's like, and he would usually reply with something a little more, like a "love you" at the end.
This reply was so blunt that it cut me like a sharp knife. And the cut stings.
He has been completely avoiding me, and i just don't understand why.

I want to ignore him back, but there's a more prominent part of me that just wants to confront him. So here I am, stranded, not knowing which direction to follow.

I NEED SOME INSPIRATION!

If anyone could give me some advice, it would be much apprecitated :)

Rachel x

Have you ever thought just maybe, you belong with me...

"O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

Really though. Where is my Romeo? Yes, I am about to talk guys. For this is what's on my mind. And in my blog that's what I do, speak my mind.
No matter where I looked, and no matter how hard I looked, I could never seem to find the right guy. Lets be realistic, there's no 'Perfect Guy', but I took a look around and this is what I found. There were a few 'Too-immature' guys, a whole handful of 'Jerk-guys-who-seem-like-they-either-have-emotional-issues-or-are-just-downright-player' guys, and one or two very rare -drum roll- 'Almost-Romeo' guys. *sigh*...

And you know what? The 'Almost-Romeo' guys are so dayyuuum hard to grab onto. I haven't ever really been in a relationship... my luck in love hasn't been the best lately... but look, I'm not gonna send you all into a coma talking about that part, but long story short? Everytime I set my eyes on a guy I like, he either gets a girlfriend, or nothing ever happens. Honestly... right now "I got an I heart question mark written on the back of my haaaand."

Let's cut to the chase. Right now I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally like this guy who I've only become friends with since about two weeks ago. But he is so great. Honestly.. he's all I've been able to think about this past week! He's funny, smart, reaally sweet, and we have alot in common... ohhhh and I forgot to mention he's cute with a good body :)
So lets add that up:

funyy (+1)
smart (+1)
really sweet (+2)
alot in common (+3)

and the looks (+58)

So really, it's all about the math ;)

But anyway, one night (before I even had the chance to charm the pants right off of him LOL figure of speech, calm down, get your mind out of the gutter hehe) he goes to a party, and comes back telling me all about this girl he met (oh and hooked up with). He wants to ask her out.
As I was talking about this to my best-friend (Zoe) on the phone, we decided that I needed to take action! I needed to do something to really get this guys attention. Possibly help him realise how much I actually genuinely like him.
But as I went on MSN (IM) to do that, he tells me he asked out the girl and she said yes.
Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.

"Oh, happy dagger, this is thy sheath; there rust and let me die!"

I was straight back on the phone with Zoe and she couldn't believe it. She had thought that maybe he liked me from what I had told her about him.
I was talking to another friend (Nicole) and she was actually telling me about her boyfriend, and how it took him an entire year to notice her, and she had to wait, but "it was worth it".
I then decided that I like this guy enough to wait...
He is worth the wait, I think.
But how long exactly will I have to wait for my 'Almost-Romeo' ?

I really want to tell him how I feel, but what will he do now he has a girlfriend?

If anyone has a suggestion, please, I'm all ears.


Rachel x

I'm aliveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Thank God I've made it through is half of the week.
Honestly, I must say it is some sort of a miracle, with all the mood swings and the headaches and the whiny friends that don't know when to stop talking (+ over-exaggerating).
But finally I've been allowed some "me-time" (haha) and I thought I'd catch up on my good old bloggery :)

This is gonna be a long one, so brace yourselves. And also prepare to laugh at me with pity.

Let's start with Monday, shall we?
Aaaaahh. First day back at school. How positively refreshing. I just love to look around at all the little wonders like trees blooming in the spring weather; friends excited to see each other again, and then the bell goes, and just like old times, everyones happy expressions drop from their faces and BADA BING BADA BOOM! It's like we never left.
Apart from the fact that there had been some poorly sighted and/or colourblind painters (from what I gather) painting all the edges of the school maroon and green. EW. And last term I thought school couldn't get any worse. Apparently I was wrong. And BOY did those painters prove it. Anyway, everything seemed back to normal (meaning the stuff that happened at the party and everything). But the boy (who my friend supposedly snogged) [and who I now like for some stupid reason], he didn't seem too thrilled to see me.
And last term things were great, he was talkative and cuddly and all that, but now it's all gone. He completely ignored me all day!!!!! But nooooooooooooo he didn't ignore my friend (who apparently hooked up with him). Damn it was shattering.
At least I got to leave after lunch.
Oh yes, my day did get worse.
After my dissapointing encounter with the male species I had to go and get a blood test. Oh and an ultrasound.
No no no, don't jump to conclusions. I'm NOT pregnant (LOL). Though I must say I loved the thrill of making everyone crap themselves when I told them I had an ultrasound. I just had some girly problems I was a tad worried about, so I went and got tests done to see if I was OK. Everything was normal so thats good :)
But maaaaaaaaaaan was it hard to hold in a litre of water for an hour. I had to drink and drink before my ultrasound, (so they can see thingss clearly). And I was on the brink of letting go, especially when the nurse pressed on my bladder with the wierd probe thingy. I actually think I could've won a prize because my bladder was the size of THE EARTH.
I ran to the toilet when they were done.
My blood test made me a little nervous, as everyone was saying that it was soooo painful. I got so worried that I was sitting in the chair squeezing my Mums hand. Yes that's what I was reduced to in that embarassing moment. IT DIDN'T EVEN HURT!!! I was laughing with hysterical joy when it was over.
Wow that's a long Monday.

And Tuesday, well the boy didn't ignore me. He did this funny kinda thing when I was walking past him, he stopped and wouldn't let me pass, jumping in front of me when I moved to the side. I couldn't help but think it was cute.. especially when he smiled down at me with his blue eyes ....
*clearing throat* Ahhem.
But anyway.. last night my family drove me INSANE. Usually I put up with their nagging, but last night they pushed me right over the edge when they were lecturing me about how I spend too long on the computer. (WHICH I DON'T!). I screamed and yelled at them all and stormed off to my room, taking the laptop with me. I don't think I've ever snapped so easily in my 15 year long life.

As for today, well, it was nothing special. The boy was being flirted with by that girl who he supposedly likes. Well luuuuuuuuuuuuuuckyyyyyyyyyyyy him then.
Stupid bugger. He's really in love with me... but he doesn't know it yet. Uhh, KIDDING. Hahaha
I wish he was in love with me. That would be... wow, I have no word to describe it.
I sat with him for all of five seconds at the train station, but then my train arrived and ruined all the fun.
I think when I said bye I made a funny kinda face. Oh the humiliation.

Well... now this leaves me sitting alone in my room, blogging. Silently breaking down. But ohh well. I'm happy to be alive after these wacky few days. All the emotional ups and downs are driving me balistic!!
And my best friend is in another state for the week, and I can't call her. I think her phones dead. I misss herrrrrrrr.

Well, I'd best be off, because I think my ravenous cats are hungry.
Ta taaaa.

Rachel x

AAAAARRRGGGGGHHHHH.

Hey everyone,

So sorry but I can't blog till the weekend when I have some time because my family is driving me nuts and won't let on the net.

This will be the last you hear from me for a little haha,
possibly till Saturday.

Love and Light,

Rachel x